The Art Of Loving

Become aware that loving is an art, proceed in the same way as you would to learn any other art.

What are the necessary steps in learning any art?
The process of learning an art can be divided conveniently into three parts.

One; Mastery of the theory
Two; Mastery of the practice
Third; Nothing must be more important that the art itself. This holds true for music, for medicine and for love.

Quite possibly here lies the answer to the question of why people in our culture rarely try to learn this art, in spite of their obvious failures, in spite of the deep seated craving for love almost everything else is considered to be more important than love, success, prestige, money, power and almost all our energy is used for the learning of how to achieve these aims and almost none to learn the art of loving.

The error leading to the assumption that there is nothing to be learned about love lies in the confusion between the initial experience of “falling” in love and the permanent state of “being” in love, or as we might better say of “standing in love”

If two people who have been strangers, as all of us are, suddenly let the wall between them break down and feel close, the feeling in this moment of oneness is one of the most exhilarating, most exciting experiences in life. It is all the more wonderful and miraculous for persons who have been shut off, isolated, without love. The miracle of sudden intimacy is often facilitated if it is combined with or initiated by sexual attraction and consummation. However this type of love is by its very nature not lasting. They take the intensity of the infatuation, this being “crazy” about each other for proof of the intensity of their love, while it may only prove the degree of their preceding loneliness.

This attitude that nothing is easier than to love has continued to be the prevalent idea about love in spite of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. If this were the case that loves is easy, people learning the art of love would be eager to know the reasons for the failure and to learn how one could do better or they would give up the activity?

Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a “standing in” not a “falling for”. Love is primarily giving not receiving. Giving is the highest expression of potency.

The most important sphere of giving however is not that of material things, but lies in the specifically human realm.

What does on person give to another? She gives of herself, of the most precious she has, she gives of her life. Not a sacrifice but that of what is alive in her…..her joy, her interest, her understanding, her knowledge , her humor, her sadness of all expressions and manifestation for that which is alive in her. Thus giving of her life enriches the other person, she enhances the other’s sense of aliveness by enhancing her own sense of aliveness. A mirror is the result for each to see the divineness in the other. But not only in love does giving mean receiving. The teacher is taught by his students, provided they do not treat each other as objects, but are related to each other genuinely and productively.

Beyond the element of giving the active character of love becomes evident in the fact that it always implies certain basic elements, common to all form of love these are care, responsibility, respect and knowledge.